Friday, April 20, 2012

Dealing With Mothers and Mother-In-Law

Mothers and mothers-in-law can be both an asset when planning the wedding and a source of grief and contention. While they mean well, often they clash on matters pertaining to wedding planning, organizing and management. How do you bring some resolve to a situation that is rife with strife?
It's important that they understand that planning a wedding should be a joyous time of personal expression and bonding for all involved.  While it is important that family realize that this is your wedding, understand that mother and mother-in-law are anxious to be an active part of the some of the preparations for the ceremony and reception celebration. Still they should have a limited share in the planning in terms of dresses, design, reception decor, menu and honeymoon.
To help them feel a part of things give them several assignments no matter how small. Pick up and delivery duties, choosing stationary, handling the business and follow-up of rentals, catering and transportation.

Make sure all assignments given are compatible with their experience and skill set. Allow them some latitude but also set clear standards and limits. Make sure assignments given do not overlap into someone else's department. Accept some of their suggestions but keep reminding them that you and your husband will make the final decision on all matters together.
Remember that to them this is a family tradition and believe it or not they do have a measure of wisdom to be offered that can aid you as you take this new step into married life. Still it should be respected that you and your husband-to-be make the final decisions regarding everything pertaining to your wedding and married life.
Take the time to listen to what your parents have to say. Weigh the practicality and keep reminding them that you wish to exercise your adult privileges. Avoid placing an unnecessary financial burden on them. If this is an issue, keep your wedding simple.

If needed ask them what challenges they ran into when married and how they dealt with them. Thank them for giving you room to make your own decisions and planning the wedding of your dreams.

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